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Dealing With Death During The Holidays
It is very difficult to deal with the death of a loved one under the best of circumstances. Unfortunately, the death of a loved one during the holidays can cause compounded grief, as every celebration and family gathering is just a little more aggressive when it comes to highlighting the loss. Every belief system can be challenged when it comes to this issue and it’s one that gets more complex with varying situations.
The home can feel empty when a loved one is lost during the holidays. Decorations are up, gifts are wrapped, and even the pup curled up on the foam dog bed in the corner knows that the season isn’t the same. He can’t tell you what to do, but you’d take his answer. Do you move forward with the holiday or do you stop the season now and offer everyone time to mourn.
There is no right way to handle a death during the holiday season. There is no wrong way to handle it either. Whether you’re packing up the baby bath toys a grandparent bought or you’re concerned with how the children are handling the death of a parent, you only have your best judgment to go on.
Many people feel that the holiday festivities depend largely on who passed away. Others feel that there shouldn’t be a rating system within the family and that a single decision should be made for all. Often the best thing that you can do is sit down with the family and talk about it. Young children who aren’t clear on the realities of death and are still hanging their hat on the holiday celebration may be impacted more by canceling the plans.
Older children may dig their heels in when it comes to how they feel everything should be handled. Often older children are finding their political voice and they take strong positions on what they consider to be moral issues.
When there are not children in the home, the decision doesn’t necessarily get easier. Adult siblings and those who are party to the holiday often don’t agree on a single idea. The biggest point to keep in mind that even when emotions are high, the bickering that can ensue is not helpful for anyone.
What about the gifts? Some people leave the gifts given by the deceased for another time. You may not know whether you’re supposed to return the cashmere sweater, the tickets to the game, or the latest kindle that you purchased or hold onto it and find another use for it later. Giving it to someone else is an option, but it might not be one you feel good about. Only your best inner voice can offer you guidance on personal decisions of celebration and the death of a loved one.